Dear Diary - Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

As always, life sucks. This time it’s my love life. More like the lack of it. Ever since I was a kid I dreamt of becoming just one thing. An apsara (celestial nymph) - a woman so beautiful that no man could ever resist.

And of all of them, there was just one that I badly wanted to be; the one that I had to be – Menka; one of the five most beautiful women ever to exist in the universe; the one whose intervention lead to the beginning of my favorite love story – Shakuntala; the one woman who broke Vishwamitra’s long spell of abstinence. And so began my journey in search of my Vishwamitra years back in high school. Don’t judge me. I was 14. I had no better goals in life back then. As a matter of fact, I still have nothing better to do. Who wants to be a boring finance guy?

Continuing with my story. In pursuit of my Vishwamitra I searched years for the perfect candidate. At last, I found him. Now that I have found him my ego is bruised, 50 shades of black and blue. If it was not torn into little pieces it is definitely bent hell out of proportion now. Ouch.

No, I did not get rejected but he clearly isn’t interested.

Ok, that might be a rejection. Might be.

This is all my fault. Of all the people I could be, I wanted to be I decided to be Menka. When she approaches Vishwamitra, he ignores her so hard that she doubts her own existence. She dances, he is still unimpressed, “Meh!”

Lord of wind intervenes and the dog in him awakens. What else did I think was going to happen with me differently? And I don’t need a dog.

But I have learnt a lesson from all this. Whoever you aim to be in your life, never ever dream of becoming Menka. The only thing you will ever get from all this is an unimpressed uninterested Vishwamitra who would rather work than pay heed to you.

Therefore, I now have a new role model, a new vision for the future – Urvashi, another apsara, who also happens to be one of the five most beautiful women ever to be in existence, only, she is prettier than Menka and has a higher success rate. Talk about choosing the right mentor.

Bitches, I’m going to be unstoppable. Vishwamitra you are history. My Urvashi future here I come.

I’m only going to go up from here. Next phase Draupadi – definitely the better one with smarter husbands. Till then will fulfill the mission of being the next Urvashi.

Signing out. Have preparations to do.

Dear Diary - The Curse of Term 3

Dear Diary

Everybody here is depressed, including me. This guy got the shock of his life when I told him I was an engineer. For seven months he believed that I was an art student. What’s worse is that people go “No way!” when I tell them I’m 22. They think I’m 25 *tear slips*. They feel that I “act” mature [ouch]; and I also “think” mature [ouchie]. I talk to people in Hindi who don’t understand Hindi, and English with people who want to talk in Hindi. My life is a mess.

On top of that, it seems like my roommate and I own a pet lizard. My roomie remembers it being a little lizard a little while back and now it’s fully grown. So much pride. As if things weren’t already bad enough. Why couldn’t it be a peacock, or a sparrow? At least that way we would be Disney princesses. Well, at least she would be because it is her window. All I’d be is a werewolf for all I see is the moon, all the time.

Yesterday I saw an interesting polybag lying on my hostel floor. Not sure if everybody got it but I’m glad it’s an all men’s shop. Makes me wonder if the owner is gay…

Either ways its best that it’s not a big brand. Imagine people saying “I wear …” Could it be, it was meant for sea men? Whatever, but I know that there’s a popular Korean clothes brand called bean pole. So… anything can happen.

Speaking of Korean clothes, I’m again hooked on to Korean dramas. Perfect cure for depression! Curse Term 3 for giving me no time to watch more of Korean dramas. Sorry Lee Min Ho and Kim Hyung Jung. Even if I don’t understand how you manage to sit cross legged or look much more feminine than me, I will watch your series soon, I promise.

Other than that I really need to start paying attention in classes. I suddenly start listening and I hear male services instead of mail services and then the rest of the class I’m trying to connect the dots.

And now, after eliminating all the options the options that won’t suit me, I’m stuck with finance as my major for final year. As if I didn’t have enough gray hair.

A guy thought bestie was the name of my dog. Silly goose.

But I guess I’m the one who is an idiot here because I locked my roommate in the bathroom and went for lunch. I guess I’m lucky my ears aren’t burning and my head is on my shoulders. I almost pity her for getting stuck with me.

I need to stop day dreaming.

The Girls Sleeping Behind Glasses

Dear Diary - Taking a Step Forward

My Beloved Diary,

I saw what Onam was for the first time; it was amazing. Half the boys were looking like south-Indian dons and the other half was fidgeting with their mundus. Some were busy pulling a Ranbir Kapoor from the movie Sawariya. How can they not care about the innocence of our eyes? I mean, our minds might be corrupt but our eyes? Such inconsiderate people.

The girls looked stunning - all wore the same thing yet they all looked different and simply amazing. If it weren’t for the girls the event would have been boring and uninteresting. But I want a mundu too. It’s a much easier for people; subject to constraint that you can tie it. Just think about it. You don’t have to starve for a week to look good in a mundu, you don’t have to color coordinate, you don’t have to wax/tweeze your legs, your capris are always there to protect you, you can always fold it in half, there is no competition, and you can always adjust your mundu in public in Ranbir-Kapoor-Sawariya style without giving a flying fish about other people getting really really uncomfortable. Girls should be given mundus too.

Fish! There go my dreams of wearing mundu. I triple folded my roomie’s Onam sari and tried to tie it like a mundu. I can’t decide whether I look like an oversized marshmallow, a floating white cloud, or, Olaf from frozen. Seems like it’s going to be saris for me. For life. But I ain’t complaining.

And what’s with these insects. I don’t know how, I don’t know why and I have no idea where bugs sneak into my room from. People who say the bigger the better clearly have never had a 4 inch long insect in their room and stare at them dead in the eye. If it weren’t for the cleaning staff, I would have set my room on fire and run away long ago. Why don’t these bugs get it that they are not welcome in my room? But I have learnt my lesson from all this - never bring green comforters here. That’s where the horror stories start from.

They have started serving mystery food in the mess. The mysterious item on today’s menu looked like marmalade and leaked oil like halwa. Interesting marketing tactic, suspense filled food – the only thing that was missing till now. Take what you eat; guess what you eat. Awesome! And what’s with these power cuts. This guy just stood there contemplating his next move in shower because the power went out when in the middle of the night in the middle of his shower. Perfect time to remember god.

Did you know that operations is all about ganging, flexible equipment, grinding and drilling; and there’s more to come. No wonder boys have a preference for this specialization.

Hey! Remember the ass assaulting girl I told you about. So… she drummed somebody’s bum with dandiya sticks during the dandiya night. Yeeaahhh… And people call me crazy. Have you ever noticed that the higher the boots go up your leg, hem of dress and heel, and platform of your pumps go the higher the prices go. What’s worse is that we have come to age where the saris are cheaper than bikinis. Über face palm. Kalyug I tell you. Ghor Kalyug.

And I found an onion in the ocean! Why? Because lemons are too main stream.

Dying to Write More

The Girl Hiding Behind Glasses

Dear Diary - New Life

Dear Diary,

It has been over a month since my parents left me here and there’s still no cute boy in sight. In this time, I have gotten used to these tiny rooms; and as difficult as it was, I have also learnt to live with half armoire. Imagine the horror.

Our professor Sunday-morning-love-you is probably the most congenial professor in the history of mankind; but innuendos sail over his head. Especially his. In a session he caught everybody’s attention by dropping the word “sex” and went on to say, “Our desires are insatiable; motivation is a lubricant”.

The only things I remember after that were him offering somebody a push and puns on hand-to-gland-combat. From what I have heard, he kept on saying “I’m hot. I’m hot. I’m hot” in some class, all because the AC was not working. I wish more professors were like that.

Now, this place is really interesting with all kinds of groups, races, and ethnicities. These two girls we ran into were introducing themselves. They simply went like “Hi! We are bongs!”

I sat there staring at the two of them for I don’t know how long, trying to comprehend the message while freaking out about being expelled along with the two. The intelligent phrase that came out of my mouth was “What?”

Apparently a Bong means a Bengali. Definitely not one of my brightest moments in life.

I also have to admit that both, men and women, here have delectable spankable bottoms. Acting on this urge, one day a girl got up, rubbed her hands together and loudly spanked some guy’s bottom whose only crime was that he was passing by. Everybody stopped; except for that fellow with abused bottom.

He walked to the end of the road, stopped, and started patting his still stinging bottom, trying to soothe away the pain. Speaking of abused bottoms, people here have a weird reaction to the trailer of 50 shades of grey. Men who haven’t read the book are dying to go for the movie, and women who have read the book are disappointed with the trailer. I don’t understand, the people who liked the series but hate the movie, what did they expect from the movie?

The other day I heard this guy in MIP team who has the most perfect pectorals and the most enviable flat tummy, he not only manages studies and MIP work, but he also makes time for gym. What’s wrong with this guy? I’m willing to bet that this guy has a time machine or a time-freezing machine. I would happily trade my soul for that gadget and flat tummy.

My friend was telling me about the fabulous view he gets from his window in hostel 3. I tried to pry out more information from him about this tantalizing view but he just wouldn’t tell me. That was so not fair. I pestered him. Finally he muttered intense CPR. What does that even mean?

We had this event where all the finance heads from various companies flew down to Manipal who went out of their way to bore us. These guys were capable of boring the very devil to tears. I wish we could give away onion awards.

Not only were the students meditating during the lectures but also the guests. How much do these people speak? One guy distributed his content in his lecture and started reading it. Even our professors are not that serious about teaching.

Dying to Write More

The Girl Hiding Behind Glasses